Where Do I Begin? An Idina Menzel Playlist
by brickroad16
Summary: Charah drabbles inspired by Idina Menzel songs, mostly from Sarah's POV.


Disclaimer: I have never owned, and will never own, "Chuck".

A/N: So, I'm going away for the summer! I wanted to finish _Seven Times_, but I didn't want to rush and give you a sub-par chapter, so I wrote this instead (inspired by a convo on FF last night!). These are all Idina Menzel songs, mostly from her albums _Here _and _I Stand_.

I also thought this would be an excellent opportunity to extend a _huge _thank you to everyone who voted (for me or for anyone else) in the '08-'09 Awesome Awards (set up by our very own JMG). It's an honor. :D I promise to be back in August with new chapters and stories, and I hope you enjoy this.

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I Stand**

She's Sarah Walker now, badass secret agent whose soul belongs to the government. Her past is behind her, and all she can see ahead is a life of redemption. There's no cosmic balance sheet, she knows, but she thinks that a career in the CIA will somehow help her make up for all the cons she had pulled with her father, and Graham seems to believe in her.

She has a mission now, to protect the people of this country, to lay down her life if she has to. And after the lives she's led and the lies she's told, she doesn't think that'd be such a terrible price to pay.

Graham gave her the second chance she desperately needed, and she's determined to use it to prove that a good-for-nothing con artist can make something of her life.

**Gorgeous**

When it all gets to be too much, when the madness threatens to crash in around them, she curls into him and they shut out the world. They lock themselves in their room, where Chuck can't flash on anything, and pretend that nothing exists but each other. They spend hours on end wrapped in the sheets, memorizing each other or just watching movies.

These moments are when Sarah feels most alive, when Chuck's presence beside her feels most comforting. Time slows down, and they trade desperation for sweetness in an endeavor to make up for lost time.

And Sarah doesn't let him go, because she's terrified of what the morning will bring.

**Better to Have Loved**

They both knew reassignment was inevitable, but Chuck hadn't banked on it coming this soon. Her bags are already packed, and luckily it doesn't take much to convince her to stay at his apartment that night. He's resigned himself to fate, but if she's really going to leave, he doesn't want to have any regrets. He doesn't want to let her go without letting her know how much she means to him.

He forces himself to stay awake, to file every tiny detail away in his mind. That way, when he wakes up, he'll remember the graze of her lips against his shoulder, the smell of her grapefruit shampoo, the tantalizing feel of her breath against his bare chest.

And in the early morning light, when she opens her eyes, brushes her lips against his, and announces that she's staying, the vice around his lungs loosens and he leans down to kiss her again.

And he smiles, because after years of standing by and accepting her trust as she risks her life, he's finally rewarded as she risks her heart.

**Perfume and Promises**

They've been gliding along so smoothly that the news of the 49B knocks her back a step, knocks their delicate rapport off course. They've had their slip-ups, certainly. But for the most part, she and Chuck have learned to keep their longing to themselves. And then Alex Forrest and her hard-nosed attitude step in and ruin the fragile balance they've worked so long to build.

When Forrest declares her compromised, she tries to write him a note that sounds more sophisticated than the notes she'd written as a third grader, but in the end, she decides that nothing she writes is good enough. She can't leave him with just a note, not when she has so much to say and not enough words to say it.

So she takes a deep breath as she types his father's name into the computer, hoping she can do this one last thing for him, hoping against hope that it'll be enough.

**If I Told You**

She has a past, one full of lies and deception. It's not one she's proud of, even though she knows of her reputation within the agency, knows she's been considered one of the best and brightest since her first year. But her expectations changed the day she met Chuck Bartowski, and now, five years since they met, she's a million miles away from where she began.

So when he proposes to her, she tells him, "I want to marry you, Chuck, more than anything. But I need you to know who I am first."

He looks at her questioningly, and she smiles, wrapping her arms around his waist. Her lips brush against his ear as she whispers her real name.

**Don't Let Me Down**

He's known her for three weeks and five days now. They've successfully defused a bomb and foiled an international arms dealer, and he's finally learning that she can be trusted.

He watches her closely, because she's taciturn by nature and because he wants to get to know her – _really_ know her – her likes and dislikes, her hopes and fears, her past and the dreams she has for her future. He wants to know what how she winds down after a mission, what she thinks about when she's alone.

She's friendly, making polite conversation with Ellie and Awesome and laughing at Morgan's stupid jokes. But no matter how hard he tries, she offers little about herself. As they're sitting on the couch together watching _Serenity_ (because Sarah's never seen it and that's just unacceptable to him), he decides to redouble his efforts.

Even if it takes him years, he's going to figure out the enigma that is his cover girlfriend. Until then, he knows he can trust her, knows she's the only thing protecting him in this new, unfamiliar world of espionage.

**A Hero Comes Home (**_**Beowulf**_**)**

When she finds out she's pregnant, Sarah is consigned to analyst work. It's boring, her desk chair is murder on her back, and there aren't enough windows in the office. The worst part is watching Chuck and Casey go on missions without her. But she endures it with a smile, and her day always gets a little brighter when the baby starts to kick.

Her evenings at home help to make up for her days at the office. She cooks dinner, real food instead of the pizza Chuck's used to subsisting on, and waits for him to come home. He always has a grin on his face when he walks through the front door, easing into their routine. He drops his briefcase onto the hallway table, wraps his arms around her, and greets her with a kiss.

"How was your day?" she asks, still lightheaded from his kiss.

Chuckling, he shrugs and says, "Oh, you know, full of thrilling heroics."

"That's my husband," she replies with a laugh, "the big damn hero."

**Finale B (**_**Rent**_**)**

For ten years now, she's been a company girl, following every order down to the letter. So when Beckman assigns her as head of the Intersect project, she doesn't turn it down even though her heart is screaming out in agony.

She dreads telling Chuck, especially when he looks so handsome – so happy – in his tux. She's come to view Ellie as a sister, and she wants this day to be special for the entire Bartowski family. But she can't stand lying to him either. So when Chuck asks to talk to her, drags her into a side room, she mentally prepares herself to confess the truth.

Later, at the reception of the actual wedding, she can still remember that dejected look on his face. But he smiles at her when she asks him to dance, and her spirits lighten.

He tries to make the best of the situation, saying, "You belong out there, saving the world. I'm just not that guy."

She frowns into his shoulder, grateful that he can't see the heartbreak etched onto her face. "How many times do you have to be a hero to realize that you _are_ that guy?"

"I want more, Sarah," he tells her. "I want a life. I want a real life."

And suddenly she comprehends that there's no better time to tell him how she really feels, that she wants that life with him, that she's staying.

She pulls away from him with a smile and says, "Chuck, I don't want to save the world."

**I'm Not That Girl**

He deserves a real girlfriend, after everything he's done for this country, after everything he's sacrificed in his personal life. That's what Sarah tells herself when she's on surveillance duty watching his dates and listening to his conversations with _her_. She had endured his brief relationship with Lou because of that, but this – watching her fawn over him, watching him use his CIA status to impress her . . .

Sarah can endure a lot of things, but this is the most exquisite torture.

Agents don't get happy endings. That's the first thing that gets drilled into recruits' heads at the academy, but she doesn't truly understand it until she realizes how willing he is to go off grid with her, sacrifice the safety of the Intersect for the sake of a romantic weekend.

She sighs, reminds herself that he deserves a real girlfriend.

**As Long As You're Mine**

When she wakes up, she's acutely aware of Chuck's hand on her own, the pressure of his chest against her back. She tries to ignore the racing of her heartbeat as she returns to full consciousness, but then he presses a soft kiss to the back of her neck, and she feels herself falling fast and hard. She flips over to face him, and there's a moment, a glorious moment right before they devour each other, when she can see their entire future stretched out, complete with children and a white picket fence. Staring up at him, she knows she's going to savor every second, every kiss. And she's going to make this last as long as she can.

He tears himself away, telling her in an adorable voice to not move or even breathe.

When he emerges from the bathroom a minute later with a note in his hand, she has a sudden and intense desire to murder a furry little gnome known as Morgan Grimes.

**Where Do I Begin?**

She's never told him how much she loves him, not because it's against the rules, but because she has no clue how to express it. He's chatty, definitely the more loquacious of the two, so she's typically content to let him take over the conversation, because they've settled into a routine and that's how their relationship works.

She spends every day showing him how she feels, but sometimes words do speak louder than actions, especially for him. So after a particularly grueling mission, as they return to his apartment and crawl into bed, so exhausted and run down they don't even bother to change, she curls against him.

She presses a kiss against his collar bone before murmuring sleepily into his shoulder, "Chuck."

"Hmmm?" he answers, his fingers tracing a line up and down the small of her back.

"Love you . . ."


End file.
